So [M]any Snacks So Little Time

[Aries Jordan]

Eddie answered as best he could: Could be because they're lovers or friends or family, or it could be because the sidewalk is crowded.  Because they don't know each other and don't want trouble.  That's normal walking speed.

He parked the bike curbside and took them both inside.  Yeah, 'cause it's a toy store.  Wade's a big kid at heart.  He found it touching and amusing that Deadpool and Venom both were interested in stuffed animals.  He was clearly indulging them, since he had no interest in acquiring the world's largest Beanie Baby for himself.

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Like so many had before him, Jude felt a little disoriented by the sheer volume of nonsense Wilson could spew.  "No, I don't know who you're talking about," he said as to both X-Men. 

"Why I'm really here... okay, I'll level with you.  I want to know what the hell that thing was that killed me," he said.  "I never saw anything quite like it.  And I've seen a lot."

[EvilCopepod]

Venom absorbed all the information that Eddie provided, thinking that humans were very complicated creatures indeed, at least when it came to social cues. The alien wouldn't have thought about doing any of those things to try and avoid confrontation, and it especially thought that normal walking speed was very inefficient, and only went along with Eddie moving that slow because he knew how to blend in with humans.

Toys are for kids.[/i] Venom said. It could tell that Eddie wasn't excited about getting toys, he was excited about getting the motorcycle and about getting the money, but not this. The alien was floored by Eddie's selflessness toward it, everything he had done for it could be seen as being in his own self interest as well. He fed them so they wouldn't eat someone that they shouldn't, pet and snuggled Venom because it felt good to him, and had even saved Venom because he had wanted the creature back as well. But Eddie had no reason to do this except to make the alien happy, and it was once again charmed by its human, it oozed out of his back so a small head could nuzzle his neck, happily.

"Eddie is best host." Venom purred, drooling slightly, "Let's go!" It didn't seem to notice how unenthusiastic the adults were, focusing on how excited the kids were to be going to the store. 

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"Do you know anybody? Or did some rando rub a spittoon and you popped out of it?"

I bet the civil war reenactors would love him.

You don't know shit about history, so don't try and make jokes about it.

"Wow. I had that same exact question." Deadpool's eyes widened, "But I thought you'd know about it the most, since they're your guns. But you must not know them that well since they turned around and shot you too. Did you try talking to Ghost Rider's ass about them?"

[Aries Jordan]

Awwwww, Eddie emoted back.  He reached up as if to scratch the back of his neck and petted Venom's little head instead.  And Venom is Eddie's best friend.

It occurred to him that he hadn't thought about Anne in almost 24 hours.  Not even once.  It was both worrying and slightly liberating... he and Venom together were surprising self-sufficient, emotionally speaking.  Let her go, let her be, he thought.  Let her have a good life with Dr. Whatsisname.

He headed to the back of the store where the biggest stuffed animals were.  It has to fit on the bike, he cautioned Venom.  There was every sort of animal in every sort of color and style.  What do you like?
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Jude had really been trying hard to keep his temper, but he didn't have much more control over it than, say, Cable did.  "I am talking about the monster, you annoying ass clown!"  His hands twitched and his  whole body language said DRAW! even though he didn't have anything to draw.  "Your buddy, the fucking mass of teeth and tentacles in basic black.  What the fuck was that?"

[EvilCopepod]

Venom licked his finger with a tiny tongue when he petted it, even though Eddie couldn't see it, Venom's smile could be felt through their bond. When Eddie thought about Anne, Venom didn't say anything, the alien didn't know the other human at all except that Eddie wanted to be with her, and that was the only reason it wanted her too. If Eddie could get over her, it would be easier for Venom to convince him that they only needed each other, no matter what happened to this planet.

When they got into the store, Venom grew even more excited, staying small and peering over his shoulder at all of the activity and products around them. There were considerably less people in the large stuffed animal aisle, mainly because their price caused the adults to pull away their kids from the temptation.

"We will hold it. Like fish, pigs and rats." Venom didn't have any affection for animals except as food, so he liked those ones the best. The alien turned Eddie's attention to several different toys, having him hold them so it could touch them to see which ones felt the most pleasant. Initially, it had wanted a teddy bear, as it looked like Deadpool's toys and those came in the largest sizes, but it was attracted to a great white shark plushie because of its grin and the sharp teeth within. When they got to it, it was clear that it was hollow on the inside, large enough to fit a teenager inside if their feet were sticking out.

"This one!" Venom said, excited. It let Eddie see what it was imagining, using the shark to 'eat' Deadpool's stuffed animals and let out a very small laugh. "It is perfect."

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I think he's about to pull a gun out of his ass.

"Do you want to step outside? If this house isn't big enough for the two of us, you'd probably do better in the yard. But it's three and a half bathrooms, and that is plenty since I've only clogged two of the toilets." Deadpool said when he lost his temper.

"I can't believe you said black, I'd expect a guy your age to use 'colored'. Honestly, the only black superhero I can think of that fits that description is Blade. Maybe Black Panther if he's got his tooth looking necklace on, but I think he's above busting into apartments. And also being my buddy. I feel like a team up with Blade would be more likely. Honestly, I don't remember seeing either of them, I was getting some ass from a dude I picked up, then after that you came and fried my brains."

No way he's going to believe that.

"Ok. Fine. I was getting dicked down, he was the one getting my ass."

[Aries Jordan]

Eddie started laughing too when he saw the shark and Venom's idea of eating Deadpool's stuffed animals.  Yeah, that's great.  He pulled it down and was pleased to find it could be compressed into a smaller form, the way a pouffy sleeping bag could be stuffed into a nylon bag.  Won't be too hard to carry, either. 

He took it up to the register and paid for it with cash.  Now we go get Wade.  I hope he gave us the right address.

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Jude gritted his teeth through Wade's next line of stream-of-consciousness bullshit, sorting out the point that he claimed not to know what black toothy monster Jude was talking about.  He took a deep, not-very-calming breath and made one more non-violent attempt to get information out of him.

"What was your fuck buddy's name?"

[EvilCopepod]

Venom was even more pleased that Eddie found it amusing too, and was excited to see the look on the mercenary's mask. It kept looking around  when the man went to check out, seeing a few other toys as kids played with them. Humans seemed to love noise, as many of the toys were making all kinds of sound, there were slimes that looked a lot like other symbiotes, but it was mostly interested in one playing with a toy rocket, pretending it was taking off.

The alien then realized that they didn't need to steal a rocket anymore, with the money they had it was possible just to buy one. Venom had no idea how much a rocket cost, but Eddie seemed so excited by the amount they had, it must be enough to buy anything. They decided that they would ask Deadpool, as he seemed more likely to know where to buy a rocket than Eddie would be.

"Why did she give us money?" Venom asked about them being given change, it remained outside of him when they got on the bike, wrapping several tendrils around the shark, making it look like it was strapped to it. "Is he too stupid to know where he lives?" Venom asked, letting Eddie enter in the address for his place.

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"Have you heard of yoga? 'cause your chakras are chili pepper red right now and being that angry is not good for your blood pressure." When he asked about his name, he didn't hesitate to answer.

"Tim. But on the streets, I hear he goes by the name...Toxin."

Watch it! You almost used his real name!

"Which is an awful name for a hooker. It's a good name for one that has STDs, but you don't want to be advertising that. Are you interested in him or something? It's those DSL he's got, isn't it. Was he the last thing you saw before you got killed? Are you going to question him with or without guns?"

[Aries Jordan]

Eddie could tell Venom was excited, but he assumed that Venom had just seen another neat toy or a tasty-looking pet or something.  He was still amused as they carried the shark to the bike.  We gave her more money than the shark cost, so she gave us some back.  As for Wade's address, he added, I'm sure he knows, but he might have said it wrong.  He didn't clarify whether this would be accidentally or on purpose because he wasn't sure.  Wade sure seemed to like him and Venom, but Eddie found it difficult to understand why.  "Hmm, downtown," he observed, punching it into the phone.  He launched the bike from the curb.

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"Blood pressure ain't something I need to worry about."  When Wade gave the name Tim "Toxin" without question or hesitation, Jude was sure he was lying.  Even if he wasn't, the information wasn't helpful.  He didn't know what DSLs were and, given the context, didn't want to know.

Clearly, Wilson had come to the end of his usefulness as a free-range prisoner.  He still had a gun in his hand, but he was being careless even though he was done getting dressed.  "A mass of writhing black protoplasm with long teeth and tentacles," Jude said.  "You want to tell me you were fucking that? 

At the end of this sentence, he looked at the window over Deadpool's shoulder and his eyes widened slightly.  He didn't expect Deadpool to actually look, but a split-second of distraction was all Jude needed.  He summoned his rig.  It appeared instantly -- clothes, gun belts, guns and all -- as if it had been there invisible all along.  He drew the right gun in the same breath and took another head shot -- in fact, several more, fanning the hammer with his left hand so that he could get off multiple shots quickly even using a revolver.

[EvilCopepod]

When Eddie took off, Venom went back to speaking inside his head so he didn't have to strain to hear over the bike, She is a good person. Venom said about the cashier, thinking she could have tried to fool them and keep more of it.  Do we eat people if they take money?[/i] It asked, not sure just how bad the thievery of money was, as it had only learned about the importance of currency.

The alien slid its small head down Eddie's sleeve and arm, then around his wrist, lifting its head up and letting its tongue flap in the wind, appearing like a very strange wrist ornament among the rest of the man's bracelets. Venom looked back at Eddie, grinning broadly and excitedly at him, still high from the trip to the store Eddie had treated it to. Because it was speaking in his head, it was still able to relay the information from the phone in his pocket even though its mouth was stuck in an open mouth grin.

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"Why? Dying from a stroke is a shitty way to go." Deadpool said, from experience. The mercenary would have argued that he wasn't being careless, he was a trained professional, and he didn't need to put the safety on or unload the clip while spinning the pistol around on his finger, and he was more than ready to aim at Jude and fire if he tried to run at him to attack.

He does know that we aren't letting him leave here without his balls, right?

I was thinking without working legs.

Then we can feed him to Venom when they get here!

"I do want to tell you I was fucking that. But, unfortunately, only in my dreams. And nightmares, it all depends on how it ends." When he looked at the window over the man's shoulder, he got self conscious, "What are you looking at? Do I have something on my mask--"

Magic clothes!

More importantly--! Magic guns!

Deadpool was so shocked by the sudden magic trick that he was only able to fire off one shot in the one direction that the spinning gun was aiming at before his head became swiss cheese.

[Aries Jordan]

No! Eddie responded quickly.  People's lives are much more important than money.  But, he added, to soothe Venom's feelings, a person who would take our money can turn out to be bad in other ways.  It's one factor to consider.

He looked back at the small head grinning at him and returned the grin with affection and amusement.  I love you, V.
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"I don't never live long enough to die from a stroke," Jude said.  "The Devil wants his own back."

He said "Whew!" when he didn't get shot.  Deadpool lay on the carpet not bleeding from several holes burned through his skull.  Jude waited a few seconds to see if a huge black monster was going to break through a wall before he holstered his gun.  He gingerly toed Deadpool's gun out of his slack hand, and then dismissed his rig, appearing again in the plain t-shirt and jeans as if the gunslinger outfit had never been there. 

Not knowing how far away John, Paul and George had stationed themselves, he called John.  "Two of you, get in here and bring the duct tape.  And tell Ringo to keep the engine running."

When they came in, he indicated Deadpool, whose skull holes were beginning to close.  "Tape him up, let's get him out of here."

[EvilCopepod]

Seem more important. Venom was quick to accept the answer, as it still didn't understand how humans had decided upon the importance and worth of different kinds of papers. However, it did like the idea of eating anyone that took money when they weren't supposed to, from Eddie's thoughts it was quite a common occurrence. Eddie can tell us if they are bad enough to eat.[/i] Venom said with confidence, trusting the man's judgement completely.

Venom's grin grew at Eddie's feelings and words, Venom loves Eddie. it replied, sending feelings of adoration back at the man and nuzzling his hand. It then turned back around, flattening itself down against his arm and squinting as it enjoyed the wind and the closeness to its host.

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They had heard the gunfire, and were waiting for the painful sounds of screams before they took off running, but they never came. John and Paul were the ones to come in with all of the duct tape, they were looking around nervously, as if expecting a monster to bust out of the woodwork too. But they were even more fearful of the idea that the dead man could pop up at any second and start firing at them, so they went over and wrapped him up tight. They didn't just tie his wrists and ankles, they gave him a full body wrap, making him look like a chromatic mummy with his healing head still sticking out. Paul took the ankles, and John took him by the shoulders as they carried him out of the house.

"You got his gun from him? And there isn't a scratch on you." Paul said, amazed. As he wasn't carrying any weapons, and it was unlikely the mercenary had let him in without pointing at least one gun at him.

"Open up the back, George, he's startin' to wiggle." John told the other, even with all the tape he didn't want to be holding on to the man when he woke up.

[Aries Jordan]

"He was a mite overconfident," Jude told Paul.  "Folks that can't properly die get that way sometimes."

Eddie took the bike around the corner of Seventh Avenue and 10th Street West and was just in time to see two men sling a human-sized, cigar-shaped object into the back of a black SUV parked very near the house he was trying to reach.  They closed the hatchback and got in themselves.  "Huh..."

With Deadpool safely in the back -- "Did anybody wanna gag the sonovabitch?" Jude asked, climbing in shotgun.  "Next thing we need is a safe house.  Who's got that on tap?"  He heard a motorcycle racing their way and glanced over as Eddie -- an expression of curiosity on his face -- came alongside and peeked in the back of the SUV.

He and Eddie said, "Shit!" in unison.

[EvilCopepod]

"Hurry up. We don't want no looky-loos. And drive off slow so we ain't suspicious." John added for Ringo.

"No." George said, "We ain't supposed to touch his mask." Even with all the holes in it, he didn't want to risk pissing of the mercenary even more, and taping the outside of the mask wouldn't do much.

"You just push his mask in, gimme a sock I'll show ya." They were getting ready to gag him when Jude made eye contact with Eddie and swore. Ringo was jumpy as it was, and that was enough to set him off, he slammed his foot down on the gas and took off at full speed, causing everyone to tumble around in the back, including Deadpool who woke up and realized his predicament.

"I have to pee!" he announced. 

The alien had been stunned when it saw what was obviously the man they'd seen turn to ash looking as good as new, unlike Deadpool there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to his return. It was able to hear the man through the car, and it let out an angry snarl, bristling against Eddie's wrist as it realized what Jude had done.

They have Deadpool! Venom snarled, wanting to change and lunge after the car, but it realized they didn't have to expose themselves because of the bike. Its head went back into Eddie as several tendrils came out of his palm, snapping around the acceleration and tightening as hard as it could, causing the wheels to squeal as Venom set them to follow the SUV. 

[Aries Jordan]

Jude had never seen Eddie before, but he said "Shit!" because it was obvious that the biker recognized Deadpool and realized that a kidnapping was going on.  He didn't expect Eddie to do anything but call 911 and maybe follow the SUV long enough to get the plate number.

But the snarl that came out of the man didn't sound anywhere close to human, and it was something Jude had heard before.  "Shit" began to seem like an understatement.  "Do whatever you have to do to keep ahead of this guy," he told Ringo.  "Sidewalks, if necessary."  He wasn't optimistic because the bike could maneuver through tighter places than their vehicle, and it had plenty of horsepower too.

"Let me drive!" Eddie said, not fully confident of Venom's skill with the Harley yet.  "You, like, keep us upright and stop us from hitting anyone."  He pictured Venom using tentacles to wrap around lamposts to get them around corners faster and safer.  He gunned the engine as much as Venom had anyway, in hot pursuit.  "We'll get them.  There's bound to be traffic!"

Jude was all too conscious of that too.  Reluctantly -- because he hadn't wanted his gang (and the Kingpin) to know everything he was capable of -- he summoned his rig back and opened the shotgun window.   Leaning out, he started shooting bolts of hellfire at Venom and Eddie.  "You guys, shoot the tires," he ordered John, Paul and Ringo.

[EvilCopepod]

Do not slow down.[/i] Venom said, releasing the handlebars and letting Eddie do the driving. Their first obstacle was when Ringo drove clear through a solid red light, clipping the front of one car while the others honked and continued going. Venom sent out several tendrils to shove the cars away from them as they went through, causing more honking and a couple fender-benders.

They fired several shots at the tires, but as soon as Venom saw what they were doing, it covered the tires, so any bullets that hit them only stuck into its body rather than puncturing the tire. Venom was now angrier, since they were not only taking Deadpool and trying to hurt Eddie, but planning on making their bike crash too. The alien didn't just move people out of their way, but also anyone behind the kidnappers that looked like they were going to get hit by the destruction the driver was leaving behind.

"Can someone lift up my mask?! I'm going to puke!" Deadpool said as he rolled around with the wild driving.

"Don't use your fucking signal!" John shouted at Ringo, seeing him turn it on while he was leaning out the back window to shoot. The bike was gaining on them fast, and would have caught up if it weren't for Jude's attacks. Venom reached out several tendrils, tearing off car doors, mailboxes, and even a fire hydrant out of the pavement to put between them and the fire. It also moved over Eddie's arms, neck, and chest, then formed a motorbike helmet (which looked like it was covered in motorbike decals, as Venom's teeth and eyes were visible on the make of it). It couldn't resist the fire, but it could protect Eddie from being burnt, any time it made it past the thrown barriers there would be a flash of pain as that part of Venom receded, but left Eddie unscathed.

"It's the demon!" Ringo shouted as he looked in the rear view mirror, "Where are we going?!" He didn't think that a safehouse would be very safe from this thing, and it definitely didn't want to know what would happen if it caught up to them before then. He'd looked to Jude briefly, seeing that his outfit had totally changed, the kid had thought he had left it all in the public bathroom.

[Aries Jordan]

Not slowing down, Eddie assured Venom.  Especially after what Venom did to get them through the intersection, he stopped worrying about crashing and simply enjoyed the chase, except when he got flashes of pain from Venom.  That guy's really mad about Bullseye.  Or the money.  Probably the money.

"Can anyone get a photograph of that there possessed fella?" Jude inquired.  "Gonna wanna track him down after we survive this --if'n we do.  Paul, you ain't hittin' nothin' anyway.  Aim a camera."

Bullets didn't seem to hurt the demon at all, which did not surprise the gunslinger.  It was hard to tell how much damage his own shots were causing.  They must be hurting, or the thing wouldn't go to so much trouble to avoid them, but they didn't seem to be lethal.  If he had an uninterrupted minute to continuously fire at it, he might kill it, but he wasn't going to get that, and Wilson Fisk would not be pleased if he did.

They were going to need the assistance of a sorcerer.

But in the meantime, they needed to survive and escape, preferably with Deadpool.  Jude considered the options and found them all grim.  When it caught up, the demon would go through all five of them like a thresher. 

"Okay," he said.  "The only way y'all are gonna get away is if'n somebody distracts the dang thing.  As per fucking usual, somebody would be me.  You just drive," he told Ringo.  "When you get out of its sight, take laughing boy here to the safe house.  I'll call y'all when I get back to the land of the living.  Couple hours, most like."

With that, he slid out the passenger side window and clambered onto the roof of the SUV, gripping the doorjamb tight as Ringo took another hard left through honking traffic.   For a few seconds, while they were on a straightaway, he dropped flat on his belly and rained fire on Eddie and Venom with both guns, forcing them to drop back momentarily.  He then had to stop and fling both arms wide to keep from being pitched off as the boy spun the car, finding he had turned the wrong way onto a one-way street, and took off down a convenient alley.  The turn and the tight squeeze slowed them and the motorcycle gained again, Venom increasing their speed and safety by grabbing the wall on either side. 

The gunslinger rose to his feet, holstering his guns.  "Just GO!" he roared at Ringo, and then he flung himself off the car into empty space, wincing inside because he could guess how much this was going to hurt, and hit Eddie over the handlebars, square in the chest.

Even Eddie and Venom together couldn't keep control of the bike under the impact of a suicidal tackle.  The Harley spun out and into the most dramatic crash of its existence.